I am home now, resting, after five days of IV IgG. If you were a teenager listening to the radio in the 90’s, you remember hearing Oasis pull at your angst-filled heartstrings with: Maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me.. After all, you’re my Wonderwall. Of course life doesn’t work out that way. No one waits around for a savior. A lot of times we have to save ourselves. And often, when we find salvation in each other, it’s no immaculate intervention, but a much stickier, messier, and fucked-up experience. But here She is, regardless, my Wonderwall- Immunoglobulin G. All silvery & pearl-like, dripping slowly and steadily into my veins, into my heart, into mysterious places people much smarter than me can name. And I can’t help toying just a little bit with the fairy-tale concept of a Remedy.
I’m going to give this treatment its best chance possible of helping to re-set my immune system. This means Rest. As in, when the doctor asks, “Grace, have you taken your medicine today?” my answer must come in measures of minutes and hours spent with my body STILL and my mind QUIET. And I always have been meticulous about taking and administering medicine. Same thing.
So far, the side-effects of the infusion have been mainly headaches and wooziness. But after one horrible night (day 3) of the overwhelming rapture of MIGRAINE (12 hours of blinding pain and nausea- tripled by the oxycodone I gobbled up in a panic before I realizing the beast I was up against), I got 6 Sumatriptan pills. Lovely, magical Sumatriptan. I can only imagine how many lives this medicine has changed. I was reminded of Joan Didion’s essay In Bed (written 1968, still 20 years before the invention of this drug), where she describes her life with chronic migraines. The essay is short, I suggest you read it. Right now my body is reeling from the drastic (and hopefully helpful!) disturbance of the last five days, so I am going to lay low.
I’m still getting used to the mechanics of the blog-world. I have a section at the top of my blog called magic moments that I want to remind you to check out every once in a while (you may even make a small cameo). It’s a gratitude journal. It’s seeing things as they are. It’s helping me stay positive, and I recommend it as a tool for cultivating happiness.